My attitude to coaching

A big part of my work is to flood the body with dynamic intensity and particularly intense joy, passion and pleasure. Deep transformation happens physically inside the nervous system, not only the mind. So I use protocols for balancing hormones and neurotransmitters, particularly dopamine and GABA. I teach people to use their breathing, sexual energy and behavioural dynamics deliberately. We also let out tension and energy that’s been repressed. That’s why it’s real, tangible, measurable change.

FullSizeRenderClients who haven’t done any personal development are relatively easy to do this with. But when someone has tried to change themselves (while also trying to be themselves) they usually have tight, inconsistent delusions about their delusions. Unwinding these layers of unconscious dogma is a detailed, forensic process that very few people are skilled in.

I find it usually works best to let the mind settle first. At the same time, letting the mind settle is only one step in a much wider, systemic process. A still mind may sound sexy to an ego that’s been sold the dream of enlightenment, and a lot of people think “peace” or “presence” is the goal. But while I think these nominalised behaviours are wonderful aspects of the full human experience, trying to maintain them is its own kind of hell.

I have to stand apart from my friends who only want to seduce people into a flow of peaceful presence. That’s an easy way to make money – and have people tell you you’re ultra spiritual – but all the research I’ve seen suggests it leads to relationship problems and unpredictable periods of mania followed by depression. That’s why some of the modern approaches to coaching actually make life more volatile for people, so then they think they need more coaching, and this can go on for years.

I’ve struggled with this in the past. I’ve found it very awkward when people beg me to work with them in ways they trust and believe in but I don’t think will work well for them. What I’ve realised recently is that I will be more confident as a leader. I have intense working knowledge and experience, and it’s ok to set my own boundaries for what I’m willing to do. I’m saying no a lot more and not feeling guilty about it. That is a huge liberation for me! :)